If after months of fruitless toil on the futon, having covered the entire Kama Sutra and The Joy of Sex, you still haven't the slightest clue how to bring your girlfriend to climax—well, that's gotta suck for her. But do not despair; there is in fact a very simple solution to your problem: Instead of all that silly human pretzel nonsense, you'll just have to give her what you know she really wants—that is, to be held down by the nape of her neck and forced to fixate on some filthy gang bang porno while to the deafening laments of the Smashing Pumpkins you give her a good hard rear-entry ramming with a gigantic black gangsta-dildo—one with a shiny, oversized metallic gold tip—and loudly, repeatedly demand to know if you're the best she's ever had. Plus she'll absolutely love it if you don't even bother to let the dog out, because trust me, being attacked in midst of your petting by a howling, growling, frenzied canine will indeed take her to soaring new heights of sexual excitement.
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3 comments:
"I know you like it rough"--does this mean I can steal "Breath is just a clock ticking" now?
Where did our saying "I know you like it rough" come from anyhow? I remember us saying that in some kind of imitation gangsta voice back in junior high, about the same era during which we said, "I'm gonna give ya the FULL FORCE!" right?
I believe it's from an old episode of Magnum P.I. or maybe Hunter where the bad guys were filming some sort of violent snuff porno.
("Breath is just a clock ticking " is all yours.)
I'm gonna give you the full force because I know you like it rough, MaFu.
PS--Ride the snake.
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